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My byline is not just metaphorical. I literally stumble. All the time. It’s like I’m training for some great Olympic klutz event. Once, I even sprained my ankle going up the stairs. I know you’re thinking that I totally should go pro. And you’re right. I should … if only there was a sporting event for klutziness.

Anyway, klutz should be my middle name … or maybe my first name to give people fair warning. Luckily, my klutziness doesn’t usually impact people other than giving them a laugh. And it’s clearly my goal to make the world a happier and, by default, safer place. Ergo, my klutziness is saving the world one trip at a time.

Totally my excuse.

You’re welcome world.

But since I’m a klutz, I tend to look down when I walk. And while I see many people nowadays “looking down,” I, unlike them, am not looking at my phone. I look down because if I don’t, it’s inevitable that curbs jump in my way, sidewalks instantly crack, or steps randomly appear. Weird, right? But every darn time I take my gaze away from the street, BAM! I trip. So I look down. If I want or need to look up, I have to stop moving. Even then it’s not a sure thing that I won’t trip. Plus, this actually has proven to cause additional problems, especially if I’m on a busy street. Pedestrians tend not to like it when people randomly stop in front of them. But I say, better I randomly stop than trip and face plant in front of you. (Of course, I rarely face plant.)

Im-Not-Clumsy

Every darn time.

A side benefit to a lifetime of tripping is that I am the master of falling. I can trip, right myself, and keep right on walking. It’s a gift, I know. (I also attribute my amazing skills to pilates. Strong core = no face planting. Seriously, go try pilates, then tell me how you no longer worry about face planting.)

I tell you all this because there is a financial incentive to looking down. And since I am philanthropic and awesome, I’ll share it with you. The biggest benefit of looking down – finding coins. Okay, so I mainly find pennies, but I have found the random nickel and dime. My record is finding 18 pennies at in one spot. Yep. 18 in one spot right off a curb. So, the next time you see a klutzy person looking down, don’t laugh. Ask them what they’re doing for lunch and then get them to pay.

Last two weeks, which doesn't include the 3 from this morning.

Last two weeks, which doesn’t include the 3 from this morning.